All of these years I have been fighting a quiet battle. I’ve not shared this with you – I’ve rarely admitted it even to myself.
However I realized something tonight. The only way I can deal with this demon is to face it head on. I have to stand up, acknowledge and look at it in broad daylight. Only then can I determine the best way to deal with this sensation.
Part of the reason I’ve not admitted to this is – well, it IS a weakness. I’ve spent my whole life trying to be strong and was taught at a young age that you don’t reveal your weak spots to the world so your enemies won’t know where to hit. Enough is enough. It is time I faced this demon and accept whatever will be:
I feel as if there is something missing inside, like a toy that has been broken with the pieces scattered and forgotten.
I have had one serious relationship in the decade following my divorce. It didn’t work out. While I have dated a few times and made some really good friends – I still walk alone.
Over the years I insisted that I am content but it is time that I admit the truth. I would love to meet someone who enjoys quiet evenings curled up with a book, tinkering with a new operating system, taking long walks wherever the winds decide to lead – someone to support and encourage me while I do the same to him.
It is time that I accept my loneliness. I need to embrace it and become one with the sensation. Perhaps then I will be able to let it go – or perhaps I will realize that this solitude is what truly makes me whole.
I don’t have the answers and I don’t know which path to take. I only know that I have to acknowledge this before I can accomplish anything.
With that in mind it is time I turned on the light. I need to look around for all of the pieces and start putting them back in their places. I may not get the glue formulation just right the first few tries but that is okay – it is all part of the process.
Have you ever faced loneliness? How did you handle it? Would you have done anything differently? Please share your stories in the comments below.