All of these years I have been fighting a quiet battle. I’ve not shared this with you – I’ve rarely admitted it even to myself.
However I realized something tonight. The only way I can deal with this demon is to face it head on. I have to stand up, acknowledge and look at it in broad daylight. Only then can I determine the best way to deal with this sensation.
Part of the reason I’ve not admitted to this is – well, it IS a weakness. I’ve spent my whole life trying to be strong and was taught at a young age that you don’t reveal your weak spots to the world so your enemies won’t know where to hit. Enough is enough. It is time I faced this demon and accept whatever will be:
I feel as if there is something missing inside, like a toy that has been broken with the pieces scattered and forgotten.
I have had one serious relationship in the decade following my divorce. It didn’t work out. While I have dated a few times and made some really good friends – I still walk alone.
Over the years I insisted that I am content but it is time that I admit the truth. I would love to meet someone who enjoys quiet evenings curled up with a book, tinkering with a new operating system, taking long walks wherever the winds decide to lead – someone to support and encourage me while I do the same to him.
It is time that I accept my loneliness. I need to embrace it and become one with the sensation. Perhaps then I will be able to let it go – or perhaps I will realize that this solitude is what truly makes me whole.
I don’t have the answers and I don’t know which path to take. I only know that I have to acknowledge this before I can accomplish anything.
With that in mind it is time I turned on the light. I need to look around for all of the pieces and start putting them back in their places. I may not get the glue formulation just right the first few tries but that is okay – it is all part of the process.
Have you ever faced loneliness? How did you handle it? Would you have done anything differently? Please share your stories in the comments below.
Thank you for your support!