Going back to work has been a surprising success. While I still have my issues I have discovered that I am able to cope for the most part and bury my secret breakdowns in my pillow at night. Even now I am worried that I will be discovered as a fraud and a brain damaged failure.
Even so, during the day I am still working towards my goals. Bit by bit I am catching up on my rent but in a way that allows me to have a little money to spare for other projects. I’ve been broke for far too long so I have to cut myself a bit of slack in the finance department.
For the record, I’ve officially written off the past two years as a wash. I learned the hard way that there is no real safety net in the United States for those who truly need it. Because of that, I intend to continue building my own safety net through my writing. Unlike the government programs that promise to be there, my book royalties are an income source that I know I can count on. It may not be a fortune, but at least it is real.
While I could probably fight and receive some money for the past two years I would rather spend my time recovering and planning for the future instead of chasing some pie-in-the-sky dream. I would rather do the simplest work than sit on my butt crying ‘woe is me’ to collect a check. I don’t need a lot of money to live here so if I continue to work towards my goals I should be just fine.
I hope so, at any rate.
Have you ever had to make a similar decision? Please share your stories in the comments below.