Personal – Annienygma

The Case of the Wandering Mojo

I lost my mojo a while back.

It slipped away as my Katie grew up. I was so focused on her that I didn’t even notice at first.

When I hit that wall, I certainly noticed. It was a huge wall, and I slammed into it painfully hard.

That was when every single word I wrote turned to trash.

I desperately sifted through the garbage pile of my creations. I waded through the sludge of my brain. It was a total loss.

Without my mojo, the words had died.

“I don’t need no stinkin’ mojo!” I growled. If I just kept writing I would flush out the gunk and produce something that is worthy of you…

…or so I thought. Eventually, the stench from my rotten ideas grew too horrible even for me to stand.

There was no other option; I had to step away from the keyboard.

I did other things instead.

I worked at a job. I painted my house. I indulged myself with items long denied. After a lifetime of living with less, this act felt like a rebellious, decadent luxury.

The thing about mojos is that they don’t like to be ignored. They especially don’t like it if they realize that you are happy without them.

I was at work when my mojo returned. He creeped into my head and left an offering.

I pulled out my phone, jotted it down, and went back to work.

I didn’t want him to know that I was excited.

Day by day my wayward mojo tried to make amends with me. He’d slip in, deposit the gift of an idea, and disappear once more.

I’d jot them down and let them go.

He started waking me up at night then. Mojos are not happy when they see their gifts being spurned.

By the time my vacation arrived, my mojo had had enough.

“Why aren’t you using my ideas?” he demanded.

“Not much point if you’re going to wander off again,” I shrugged as I mowed the lawn. “If my writing won’t help anyone, I’d rather not write at all.”

Mojo kicked at a rock, abashed. “I promise I’ll stay this time…if you want.”

We struck a bargain that day, my mojo and I.

And then we got to work.

The rest of my vacation sped by at a furious pace. By the time I returned to work, we had created the white-hot draft of my next book.

As the words cool down enough for me to begin editing, we’ve launched into another one. We’ve decided to have fun with this.

Have You Lost Your Mojo?

Is there something you want to do or have been doing that has turned to shit?

You try and you try but the harder you work the worse it stinks?

That’s the classic sign of a wandering mojo.

Unfortunately, the harder you chase, the faster he runs. But if you step back and turn your mind to other pursuits, your mojo will return.

He just can’t help himself.

~#~

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I’ve written a lot of books sharing my odd view of life in hopes of helping others. My most notorious book is titled The Shoestring Girl: How I Live on Practically Nothing and You Can Too, but The Minimalist Cleaning Method is pretty popular as well. You can find them at the following places:

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A New Journey?

It is time for me to turn down a glass. I have survived my very first year without my beloved Katie. I have not only survived, I have made some massive changes to my world, changes that have reaped some interesting dividends.

This year was a year for me to cut loose and have fun. I hit the ground running. I gave myself a bedroom, the first proper bedroom I’ve had in over a decade. I even gave myself permission to spend money, and boy did I spend it! I made sure to save 10% of each paycheck (plus all of my book royalties), but other than that, I allowed myself the freedom to do what I wanted.

I had a bit of a panic over that not too long ago but then I realized that I’d not really wasted much money. Instead, I’d acquired things that not only made life more comfortable, but would last for quite a while. I even acquired a few things that have helped me save some money. The air conditioner, heaters, electric blanket, and electric throw have all helped to lower my utility expenses. The car increased my monthly spending (due to the payment), but it allows me to travel to work in bad weather without fear and even allows me to visit my beloved aunt on occasion.

I never imagined that I would be thankful for having a car payment, but I am. It feels incredibly luxurious to be able to hop to a neighboring town if I need something immediately that I cannot acquire locally, and it feels like heaven to be able to make the drive to visit my aunt. I even got to spend Thanksgiving with her and my cousin due to that car.

I am immensely grateful for that.

One of my goals this past year was to increase my income. I managed that in spades. Now, instead of living on the shoestring budget of $500 a month, I bring home close to $3k. My mind boggles at the change.

In order to increase my income I took a job at a local factory. I ended up in a position that is rather mindless. I spend 10 hours a day painting latex onto a mold before I rotate it through an oven. That position has given me time to think.

What do I want to do next? I began to ask myself. Did I really want to spend the remainder of my working years standing on a hamster wheel? My life had fallen into a routine. I work 4-5 days a week, 10 hours a day. My weekends were spent cleaning my home, watching television, and chatting with family and friends. It’s a good life, a simple life. I enjoy it, but do I really want to spend the next decade or so this way?

I don’t want to retire. I’ve realized that, while pleasant in spurts, that I make myself a bit insane when I take time off to stay at home. I need to have that excuse to get out of the house, if only to provide social interaction. I could retire, even now that I have the car payment. I can afford to do so, but the fact is that I don’t want to. Sometimes getting what you think you want helps you to understand that you didn’t really want it as bad as you thought. I’ve realized that when it comes to retirement.

I need a purpose in my life, or what’s the point in living?

The beauty in my mindless job is that it gives me plenty of time to think about that, to ask myself the important questions while getting paid in the process.

I’ve realized that, if I continue on my current path, that I will simply become a mindless consumer. I will work, then I will spend my weekends decompressing with the latest movie or fad, shifting about on a path that will take me absolutely nowhere. While I see nothing wrong with that, it’s not what I want for my life. I’ve spent my life learning, growing, and experimenting. To stop…well, I don’t want to stop.

I want to do something new.

I don’t want to go back to extreme frugality. That’s served its purpose for me. It allowed me to be a stay-at-home single mother, and for that I will always be grateful. I’ve no real desire to write, however. After spending more than a decade knocking out books, blog posts, and articles in order to pay the bills I find myself burned out. I rarely even journal anymore. I find it a chore just to jot down a few sentences to summarize my day in my journal.

So now what?

I would like to increase my income a bit more. I love the security of having money in the bank, of being able to buy what I want, when I want, without fear. I love being able to replace an item immediately when it dies instead of having to budget. I love discovering an item on sale that I want and being able to take advantage of the cost savings. I like being able to buy things that make life better.

I want more of that, but I know that, if I remain where I’m at, that while my income will increase with raises over time, that there is only so far that I’ll be able to go. I also know that in time, the mindlessness of my current job will make me crazy, so I asked myself what I could do about the situation.

I’m too burned out to write. I’ve no real desire to hop from factory job to factory job in order to increase my pay. If I’m to work in a factory, I’ll remain where I’m at because the work is easy and management is good to me.

I came up blank. Perhaps I’ve spent too many years focused upon being a mom, but I could not think of anything else I could do that would not only provide something to occupy my mind, but have the potential of increasing my income over time.

Eventually I turned that question on its head and asked myself what would I do if I could do anything and money were not an object?

That question yielded instant results. As a child, I had two major passions. I loved to write, and I loved playing with computers. I was the child who could happily spend entire days in her room either writing stories or exploring the capabilities of her computer. As an adult, I even went to school for computer repair and ran a service/repair business for many years. Even now I take on the occasional client just for kicks.

I may be burned out on writing, but there are areas of study in the computer field where I’ve barely scratched the surface despite my curiosity due to money and time constraints.

I can make money in the computer field, but even when I don’t make a penny, I still have fun.

So I did a thing. I gave myself permission to delve as deep into computers as I desire. Even if I don’t use the skills to increase my income, I’ll be keeping my mind active and having fun in the process.

It would certainly beat spending my weekends holding the couch down as I watch my latest show.

I thought long and hard as I painted those molds. At my age, the odds of eventually acquiring a job in the field may be slim. The skills would increase my chances of employment in other fields, however, and even if it didn’t I knew I would have fun. It would definitely give me something to look forward to on weekends!

I decided to give myself a good review of the field, in order to ensure that my basic knowledge was current before I proceeded. I invested in a few books and began reading them at night and on weekends. Come spring I would treat myself to something I’ve not treated myself to in ages, a brand-new computer (not used, not refurbished), but a brand-new system that would make my inner geek scream with delight. I would acquire that computer and just play.

Excited at the thought, I began to price my dream machine. Due to space considerations, I settled upon a laptop, a gaming laptop because those are the ones that make me drool. I discovered that it would cost about $2,500 to acquire the machine I wanted to acquire, but since I was planning to use my income tax refund to pay for it (and I’ve already acquired everything else I want), I could afford the splurge.

A friend of mine had decided to invest in a newer system, so while helping him select a computer that would meet his needs, I checked out the sales on Black Friday and Cyber Monday. To my surprise, I found a laptop that ticked my boxes on sale for $1,400.

I had the money. Even with spending what seems to me an insane amount of money over this past year, I continue to spend quite a bit less than I earn so I had more than enough to make the purchase. I bought it along with a fresh round of books since I’d almost finished the review round I’d purchased earlier this year.

That purchase flipped a switch in my brain. I feel alive again. I couldn’t wait to finish my shift and come home the day it arrived, and I stayed up way too late getting it configured. I delved into the books and began experimenting.

Finally, after a year of hiatus from thinking and planning and struggling, I have a new journey to embark upon, and I am going to have fun with this. I plan to acquire some certifications as I move forward. While I don’t know if I will ever use them to gain employment, they will serve as personal markers of my skill, but at least one of the certifications may improve my odds of acquiring a job I can do from home if I ever get burned out at the factory or a shift in the economy sends me job hunting.

So life is good, and I’ve a new journey to pursue. While in some ways it’s a continuation of a journey I began long ago, this feels like a fresh start all the same.

It’s so easy to get caught in a rut, to do the same things you’ve always done and think the same things you’ve always thought. Mixing it up, allowing yourself to do something that you’ve previously not allowed to do can be good for the soul. Even if you decide that the path you’ve started isn’t for you, you’ve still learned something about yourself.

What do you plan to do with the coming year? Do you plan to start a new adventure? Please share your stories in the comments below.

BTW, I finally finished the adventure of acquiring a new smile. What do you think of the new look?

~#~

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The Continuing Adventures of Annie the Annoying

Remember a while back when I said that, after exploring how low I could comfortably go financially that I wanted to explore the other end of the spectrum?

I have officially started that journey.

Last month, when a local concrete factory announced that it was hiring, I submitted an application. It can be a challenge to break into direct-hire factory work; many places will use a temp service so that they can eliminate people whenever their staffing needs call for it. Considering that the majority of my official work experience has been in the food industry, I estimated that my odds of being hired were low but miracles happen so why not?

By the grace of God, I got the job.

I worked out my notice at the restaurant, screwed up my courage, and went to work.

This new job is a challenge. My body is still adapting to the change in physicality. Not only does this position require a bit of speed, it also requires an upper body muscularity that I am working to develop.

The money side is a different story.

I am earning more each week than I am accustomed to living on for a month. That feels strange. I’ve never earned as much money as I do these days.

My discretionary spending has went up as a result. I’ve kept my recurring expenses stable (and at my normal level), but I have finally loosened the reins to allow myself to spend a bit more. I’ve acquired some plants to soften the ambience in my home but other than that I’ve not done much. I’ve placed my decorating plans on hold as I adapt since I’ve got the rest of my life to savor the process of redecorating.

The largest shock is the fact that I now have medical insurance, real medical insurance from a job with low co-pays and good benefits. I’m unused to having medical insurance from a job. That knowledge of being able to go to the doctor without worry about the expense feels strange.

Does it say something about our nation that I’m more surprised at having medical insurance than I am at the pay?

I’ll write more when I have something interesting to share. In the meantime, can you share what you have going on in your life? I would love to hear updates from all of you.

Sending hugs, Annie.

~#~

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The Process of Pivoting

What do you do when you can do anything?

That is the situation in which I find myself. For the first time in my life I am free, completely free. I can go anywhere, do anything. The road of Life is wide open. All I have to do is pick a direction.

It feels overwhelming. I’ve spent my entire life burdened with obligations both real and imagined. To realize that they’ve all disappeared…I’m not sure how to feel about that.

This was why, as the waters rose in their routine surge, that a part of me wished that it would wash my house away as well. It would be nice to have a completely fresh start, I mused as I watched.

But I don’t have to wait for a disaster to have a fresh start. I’ve got one already. As for the stuff…I do believe it is time for a pivot. Minimalism is perfect for pivots, because it allows us to cut the crap from our lives. It makes it easier for us to change direction.

So I tossed some stuff. There’s a cabinet and some empty totes sitting upon my front porch for a friend to collect. Another friend has been offered the bicycle. Other items were deemed too ratty to pass on so they’ve been put in the trash.

“Are you going to have anything left?” One friend asked when she came by to collect some of the things.

But I didn’t just focus on physical things. Mental clutter can be just as burdensome as physical clutter. In some ways, it can cause more damage because it affects us emotionally. All of those old grudges and resentments really build up in time. They can turn us from happy people into miserable, hateful old cranks.

So now, whenever one of those memories surface that trigger a negative emotion, I work to eliminate the negativity connected with it. If I find myself getting stuck in a negative emotional loop, I make myself stop by focusing on my breathing. In, out. In. Out. It’s not like a normal meditation where you turn into a pretzel while staring at your navel. This is something you do wherever you’re at, no outfits, ommms, or twisty poses required. I find it much more effective than traditional meditation. I can’t sit still long enough for the standard stuff.

And whenever I find myself wanting to acquire a specific item, I ask myself what purpose it would serve along with other related questions. Those questions helped me to realize that the only reason I wanted to acquire a record player and a VCR was to revisit a piece of my history. But the past is dead so why bother?

So I discarded the plan to purchase a record player and the VCR. I even placed the tentative plan to purchase a stereo system on indefinite hold since I’m not sure if I really need one. My entire music library is stored upon my computer and selected playlists are synced to my phone. I use my soundbar with both my computer and my phone to play my music and I’m more than content at the sound quality, so do I really need to buy more stuff when I’m content with what I already have?

In this world if we’re not growing and changing we’re dying. Just like with trees and plants, in order to achieve the strongest growth we have to prune the branches. After the pruning, it is time to sweep that old away. We have a new future to look forward to.

What can you prune today?

~#~

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Keeping Busy

It’s been a chaotic week. I’ve been focused on gratitude, so it ended up being a magical week with some fascinating things taking place.

Just as Katie and I were finishing a cup of coffee before we began the process of transferring her car into her name, Katie received a panicked call from her husband. The shippers had decided to change the pickup date for her car to that day and wanted to pick it up immediately.

Katie told her husband to cancel the shipment. It would leave them several days without a car, and she wasn’t having it.

“I’ll have it shipped after we get moved,” she told her husband. “Mom can use it in the meantime.”

To say I was startled would be an understatement! I’d been walking and hitching rides to work since her husband had arrived. While I’d looked at a few cars locally (and discussed acquiring an unused car (translation: it’s been parked for a while) from a family member) nothing had clicked, so I had spent these past few weeks telling myself that the perfect vehicle would come to me in the perfect way. Could this be it? I wondered silently.

This was how I ended up taking my daughter and son-in-law to the airport a few nights later. I was to have full use of the car until she got things sorted on her end for a return trip to retrieve it.

She texted me her first full day in California:

<Hey, mom. Would you like to buy the Green Bean? I’ll sell it to you for what I have in it.>

She took the money I transferred to her and bought an SUV that very same day.

I honestly believe that I attracted the situation. I like the car; it’s the only station wagon like it in the area. An older classic, it suits me perfectly well, and I enjoy the process of fixing up older cars. Even better, we both benefited from the situation. She got what she put into the car back and I acquired the transportation I desired for my personal game plan.

While I was sad to see my beloved Katie go, I decided to focus upon the empty bedroom she left behind. When I would arrive home after work, instead of dwelling upon her absence I painted.

Here is a short video of the progress I’ve made thus far:

I have to work in the morning so after tidying my house and doing laundry I kicked back with a book to enjoy the rest of my day. I’ll tinker on the room some more tomorrow.

Since I am starting a new era in my life I am considering making a change to how I blog as well. Instead of just writing, I’m thinking about posting some videos as well. What do you think? Would you like to watch me ramble on occasion?

~#~

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The End of an Era

Katie moved out yesterday.

I knew it was coming. We both did.

This is why I dropped offline for a few months. I wanted to spend every last moment with my baby. This was my last chance to make memories with her, memories of her being my baby girl instead of my married daughter.

I did just that.

We’ve been joined at the hip these past few months, my Katie and I. We did everything together. We even got a job together, on the exact same shift, so we could pick on each other as we passed the other’s station.

I have no regrets for taking these last few months and devoting them exclusively to my daughter. I have no regrets about dropping offline and focusing upon my life here in the world. I have had one goal these past years, and that goal was to be the best mother I could be.

I did everything in my power to make that goal a reality. And, if the last conversations I had with my daughter are any clue, I succeeded. I believe I even imparted the importance of being a loving parent, a parent who chooses family over the pursuit of money or other goals to my daughter, since she shared with me her personal thoughts and concerns about raising her children in the future.

But now that time is over. My Katie is grown. She moved out, and is on her way to starting her new life as a married woman.

Society doesn’t guide us when it comes to life after parenthood. It seems that we’re to grow up, get a job, find the spouse, raise the kids, then fade into the sunset, visited only on holidays or whatever the kids find convenient. We are to wait until we qualify to enter a nursing home, go there, and wait to die.

I say fuck that shit.

It’s time for me to start a new adventure.

I don’t know what I’ll end up doing, but if you think I’m going to allow myself to wallow in loss and self-pity you are wrong. The best cure for sadness is action, so I intend to keep busy until the shock wears off. Somewhere in the busyness I’ll figure out what to do next.

My very first step is reclaiming the bedroom. I’ve not had a bedroom in a decade now; while I hadn’t planned to stay in this tiny house for quite this long, I did, so now, for the first time in a long time, I’ve gotten an empty room in which I can dedicate to sleeping.

I didn’t allow myself to dwell upon the shock of seeing that empty room, of seeing the little things my baby decided to leave behind. Instead, I started cleaning. I gave that room a good scrubbing, called a friend, and asked for a ride to the store. Since fresh starts and new adventures don’t happen every day, I didn’t even look at the prices as I purchased the supplies to paint that little bedroom. I even treated myself to a new lava lamp in my favorite color (red) for when I’m ready to move in.

I stayed up incredibly late patching the damage that only a kid can do as I laughed. I’d not realized one child could create so much work, but she has lived in that room for a decade now. To my surprise, I found spots on the walls from before we moved in. I hadn’t paid attention when I rented the place. That room was to be my Katie’s room so I’d barely glanced at it, and I’ve barely stepped foot in there until now.

It’s faded, but a previous tenant logged the date on the wall back in 2009!

Today I intend to sand the spots and start painting. I picked white, plain white for the walls and ceiling in order to give myself a blank slate with which to work. I don’t know who I will become on this next adventure so that seemed the safest choice. I did select a different color to paint the floor, a dark barn red that will cover the paint splatters and abuse that poor floor has suffered from well before I ever thought of living here. I had to choose between white, gray, or the red; red seems to suit my mood the best at the moment.

We each of us live through different eras as we journey through our lives. We’re a child, a student, a youth, a spouse (sometimes), a parent, and then…

…and then the door is wide open to create a new era, and era that can be anything we choose it to be.

Once I finish this post I intend to eat breakfast and get back to work. This is my day off, so I want to get as much done as I can today.

I’ll write more later.

~#~

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How to Know That You Are Loved

I stayed up until sometime after 1am to watch the water. Even with the crest prediction being lowered, I wanted to be cautious. I gave my auntie one last call to let her know that we were okay and headed to bed.

BoomBoomBoomBoomBOOM!

My whole house shook from the banging. I rolled off the bed, landed on the dog, and knocked off my lamp as I staggered to the door.

“GET IN THE TRUCK!” Katie’s uncle roared when I finally managed to open it.

“Wha?”

“Damn crazy fool, your house is gonna flood! It’s getting up to 26 feet, now get in the damned truck! Where’s my niece?”

He had apparently stressed his entire shift over the earlier crest predictions and raced to our house the moment his shift was over. It took thirty minutes and a phone call to the police to reassure him that the river was cresting and that we were going to be okay.

It was a hairy thirty minutes. For a time there we thought he was going to forcefully carry us out of the house!

It’s nice to be so loved.

I’ve had friends, neighbors, and relatives calling and visiting since this hit the news. I’ve received messages from near and far. The outpouring of concern and support even in the midst of this pandemic has been amazing.

I find it beautiful, and I am immensely grateful.

Today I am sharing a photograph that was taken as I stood at my front gate this morning. It looks scary but we are one of the lucky ones. Just up the street, cars are partially under water, streets are closed, and houses are surrounded.

So life is good in my tiny Kentucky town. It may still be a bit crazy, but life is still good.

I’m still a bit tired after staying up late, getting awakened, then climbing back out of bed again early this morning to monitor the water, so today will be a day of rest.

Even more importantly, today is a day of gratitude.

No matter how bad things get, there is always something to be thankful for. Those are the blessings that give us the hope that will carry us through.

What are you grateful for today? Please share your stories in the comments below. We will all be thankful together.

Chaos

Due to pregnancy complications, at first one of my children and her newborn daughter were hospitalized. Now, my daughter has been released but her newborn has been taken to UK Children’s Center.

It has been a chaotic few weeks as I deal with this issue. While I would like nothing more than to talk about it here (I could use a shoulder to cry upon), I do not want to disrespect my daughter by sharing more than she has chosen to share publicly.

As I sit here, running on caffeine and adrenaline, the urge to bare my soul is intense but my morals disagree. This affects my daughter and my newest granddaughter; it would not be respectful for me to share this piece of their life without permission. Even as I have shared stories of those around me over the years, this is one story I cannot.

One bright side to this story that I can share is that I have been able to spend more time with my middle daughter and my other grandchildren as a result of this chaos. I spent a portion of time yesterday playing peek-a-boo with my toddler granddaughter. She would play that game as well as kick off one of her shoes and ask me to fetch things to her as part of the game, giggling every time that her grandma patiently participated in her antics.

That has been an immense bright spot in my recent days.

For now I have to sort some things around the home quickly. I am going to spend the night in the hospital this evening, so I need to sort things here before I leave.

Once the chaos settles I promise to return to my writing. In the meantime, I hope that you will bear with me.

Peace,
Annie

Gremlins?

Remember when I wrote about the strange advertising issue I experienced recently? A friend of mine in another section of the country reminded me of another incident that happened several weeks ago. I want to share that incident with you today because this is becoming rather creepy.

As many of you know, I search out random subjects on the Internet for sport. I’ve done this for decades; whenever something pops in my head I reach for my computer and look it up. Maybe I do this since I grew up before the Internet was a thing and felt starved for information. I don’t know, but this is just something I do on a daily basis.

Several weeks back (a couple of months, maybe?) I was reminded of a high-profile criminal case in my area. I fired up my favorite search engine to refresh myself of the details.

I could find nothing.

I thought I was going insane. I remembered the case like it was yesterday; why wasn’t anything related to the incident showing up in my search results? Have I lost my touch? While I was digging, an old friend, who lives in a different geographical region than I do, happened to send me a message. I shared my frustration at my inability to locate anything on the incident. While I was venting, my friend ran a search on the subject.

The information I was seeking appeared on the first page of my friend’s results.

We were using the exact same search terms. We were using the exact same search engine. My friend pulled up the information easily but nothing relevant appeared in my results. We thought it curious, so I fired up the DuckDuckGo search engine and repeated the query.

I found what I was searching for on the very first page.

When my friend reminded me of that earlier incident, I realized that there may be something going on with my searches on this particular search engine in particular. For the past couple of weeks, I have ran troubleshooting procedures on my internet connection multiple times because when I would search for particular topics, the results page frequently wouldn’t load; if it did load and I clicked on a result, sometimes the link I clicked on wouldn’t load. Many times the results it displayed were completely irrelevant to my particular search.

Curious, I fired up Tor Browser to mask my location and identity a bit and typed in the queries that had been giving me issues.

The results appeared. I didn’t have a single issue clicking on the links or anything. I was able to locate the information I had been searching for without a single problem.

I don’t know what’s going on. I may be over-reacting. But I am starting to wonder if, for some mysterious reason, I’ve been shadow-banned on a particular search engine when I search out particular subjects. When combined with the strange advertising issue (which has yet to reappear since my Katie discussed it in front of our devices), I am beginning to wander if there is more happening in the background than I realize.

Over-reacting or no, I have started using Tor more and more for my everyday Internet searches. I don’t know what’s going on but I am starting to grow concerned.

If you are experiencing a similar issue, you may want to consider using DuckDuckGo as your search engine to see if that resolves your issue. If you are feeling paranoid (like I’m starting to become), you may want to consider installing the Tor Browser to obscure your searches a bit more. It isn’t perfect but it’s better than nothing.

And if you are experiencing a similar issue or have in the past, please let me know in the comments of this post. I would like to find out if this is an isolated occurrence.

NOTE: This bit of information is for the curious.

It is hypocritical to run a website about buying and living on less while begging your readers to buy your crap so I refuse to do it. That said, I live on the money I receive from book sales, so if you can find it in your heart to pitch in I would be immensely grateful.

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Thank you for your support!

My Heart is Broken for RheaLeigh

There is something wrong with a society where people hurt their own children. There is something wrong with a society that thinks severe child abuse only warrants a small charge. There is something wrong with a society that no longer cares what happens to our defenseless members.

This morning I received word that a friend of mine received a horrible call. She was told that her baby had fallen out of bed. When she rushed to the hospital, she discovered that the truth was far darker than that. Her own husband had been abusing that tiny little baby since the day she was born.

The guy admitted to it.

We can talk and we can preach about wanting to make a change on a grand scale, but in the end, the goal isn’t to vilify the rich.

The goal is to help our society.

I want to leave a better world for my children and grandchildren. I’ve seen a malaise within my tiny community, and based upon my research, if we can make things better on a small scale by providing more opportunities, people won’t be driven to such madness that causes then to harm the helpless.

But for now, I would like to set everything aside. For now, there is a tiny little baby fighting for her life in the hospital. Her mother isn’t rich. She can’t afford to play the legal games to bring her baby’s abuser to justice. I don’t even know how she will afford her baby’s medical bills.

I hope you will find it in your heart to help her.

Her GoFundMe Page is here: https://www.gofundme.com/f/1vf6669ruo?utm_medium=social&utm_source=fbmessenger&utm_campaign=p_na%20share-sheet&rcid=86a21197ee21456aa71b928b2d37ccf8&fbclid=IwAR0Jp8C-83mzunRs8uKGRK6n7rnB-in1n-E74Oof6hS6zXEz7m3Ohi5KN4o

My prayers go out to little RheaLeigh.

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Physical Vs. Print Books

Over the years I have waffled between print and physical books. I love having the ability to pull a book off of the shelf and flip to my notes or review certain sections. I don’t know if it is because I grew up exclusively with physical books or if that is the way that my brain works. Regardless of the reason, I’ve collected quite a few print books over the past few years, believing that it was the best path for me to take.

Technology has changed immensely since I made the initial decision to focus almost exclusively upon print books so I have realized that this subject needs to be revisited. This article will discuss the differences between the two formats as I decide if one format is better for me personally.

Ease of Acquisition

If you want to acquire an ebook it is a simple matter of downloading the title desired from the Internet. If you have access to an Internet connection you can acquire almost any book you desire within moments. Websites that specialize in creating ebooks from titles that are out of copyright are prolific these days. There are very few books that one cannot download immediately now–especially if the book in question is an older one.

Print books can be located easily enough from libraries, book sales, thrift shops, friends, and a myriad of other avenues. If a book you desire cannot be located locally you can always order it online. You will have to pay for shipping and wait a few days but you can still acquire them.

The primary difference (aside from speed) when it comes to acquiring either print or physical books is cost. A large number of ebook titles are older and out of copyright; these titles can be acquired for free in digital format but even the oldest print book may cost money to acquire. If the title is an uncommon one (like a first edition), acquiring a physical copy can become prohibitively expensive. While it may not cost much to acquire an older print book locally, shipping expense on physical books can add up over time.

Ease of Access

One of my primary issues with ebooks is the DRM that is so prevalent when you purchase books from major retailers. If those companies go under, what happens to the books you’ve purchased? Will you still be able to access them? Will the money you spent on the digital books be for nothing if the company decides to withdraw your right to access those books? This is a major concern for me. Many ebooks come packaged in a special format that would make it impossible to read the books if you lose access to your reader software or the company decides to revoke your right to read them. That problem doesn’t exist for print books; you don’t need special software to read them and never have to worry about some company telling you that you can no longer access the books you’ve purchased. As long as you have a physical copy, you will be able to read that book. Even better, you can lend that book out if you desire. Many ebooks do not have this ability. Ebook distributors don’t want people to share the ebooks they’ve purchased so they seriously limit–if not completely eliminate–your ability to share the ebooks you’ve purchased.

Search capabilities

Ebooks win in this area. If you can remember a few words from a section, a quick search will retrieve all instances in a book where those words appear. This is much easier to do with ebooks than it is with print books; if the print book doesn’t contain an index, you are forced to flip through the pages until you hopefully get lucky enough to locate the area you are searching for.

However, when it comes to actually locating a book that you are looking for, print wins out if you don’t know the exact title. Humans are geared to recognize things visually. It is a simple matter to sift through a collection of physical books to locate a specific cover, bookmark, or other identifying mark when searching for a particular book. Even with modern ebook readers that feature covers this can be difficult. Publishers (especially indie publishers) tend to change their ebook covers occasionally. When they change the covers on their ebooks, the ebook reader system will update the title with the new cover–rendering your visual ability to locate that book useless.

Space and Portability

You can store an incomprehensible number of ebooks upon a single device and carry that device with you. This grants you the ability to keep an entire library of books in your possession wherever you may go. The only way to comprehend what this means is to try carrying aound a 1,000-plus page book to read during downtimes. I’ve had to do that in the past. When I began learning about computers, many of the books I read were in this page range or even larger. These books can be a logistical nightmare. Just trying to open one up to read a few paragraphs while you’re standing in line is almost physically impossible if you don’t have a place to sit down. With a small computer or ereader, however, you can accomplish this with ease.

Moving can also become a logistical nightmare if you possess a large number of books. These books must be boxed and taken to the place where you have decided to relocate to. If you are moving some distance, this can end up costing a fortune. I’ve encountered this issue several times over the years as I’ve moved from place to place. It was one of the primary reasons I began shifting to ebooks before I settled in this house. I couldn’t afford the time or the expense of moving my immense library from a practical perspective.

Once you settle into a place, physical books add another layer of difficulty to one’s life. You need to acquire some sort of shelving or devise another method of storage for the books. Once you have that in place, you have to maintain your physical book collection by dusting it, rearranging it when the titles get out of order, as well as protecting them from moisture and other hazards. If your physical book collection outgrows the space that you have allotted for it, you either have to eliminate some of the books or expand your storage. This can become quite expensive, especially in light of how much it costs in our modern age to rent or purchase larger homes. Very few of us have the financial luxury of being able to afford a home large enough to store an extensive library of physical books.

In contrast, even the largest library of ebooks can be stored on a tablet, ereader, phone, or backed up on a hard drive. I have several DVDs worth of ebooks stored away that I’ve collected through the years. It takes very little space to store those discs in comparison to storing the physical versions.

Privacy

A modern discussion of the subject of books would not be relevant without discussing privacy concerns. Our world is slowly evolving into a state of constant surveillance. Many of us like to read books that those around us would not approve of if they saw those books on our shelves. I encountered this issue personally many years ago; I was a member of a religious faith that “discouraged” its members from possessing and reading any book that was not officially sanctioned by the leaders of that faith. In fact, that was one of the reasons I began exploring ebooks. It allowed me the freedom to read what I wanted without anyone in that faith to become aware of my unsanctioned reading preferences.

While as a society we may not have degenerated to the point where our reading material can get us in legal trouble, there are some instances where discretion is encouraged. Certain subjects like the Law of Attraction, spiritualism, and even certain reference materials can make family and friends uncomfortable or even hostile if they happen to see these types of titles upon our bookshelves. Because of this, it may be safest to keep certain subjects of reading and research exclusively in digital format–if only to avoid questions.

My Personal Situation

As much as I prefer print books, the space that I have to store them is limited. The shelf I acquired to store my library is overflowing. At some point in the future I will have to reduce my collection by thinning out some of the titles I own. Many of the books I prefer to read are older titles so I wonder at the logic of paying for a physical copy when I could download a digital copy for free instead. Does it make sense to spend money to purchase, say, Moby Dick in a physical book when I can download an ebook version for free?

While I’ve not been openly criticized for my reading preferences in close to a decade, I still carry some emotional scarring from that time in my life. There are some subjects that I refuse to even consider acquiring in print format because of my experiences in the past. Even with that precaution, I have raised a few eyebrows when a curious visitor has taken the time to examine the physical books in my collection. I’ve got a small number of books that I’ve hidden away because I know that there are those in my circle that would not understand my interest in certain subjects.

Privacy hangups aside, my primary concern at the moment is physical. I have no desire to relocate to a larger home; in fact, I may choose to move to an even smaller place in the future to save money on housing. How can I juggle this? I already know that, should I decide to move that I won’t be able to take my entire physical collection with me. If a flood hits this place, I know that I won’t be able to take my physical books with me if I have to evacuate. The DRM limitations on ebooks purchased on major retailing sites makes me nervous; when I acquire a book, I want to keep access to that book, period. There are ways around that but those ways aren’t exactly considered politically correct. Even if I don’t share a single copy of an ebook I possess I may run afoul of the law at some point in the future if I pursue this avenue.

I do have the equipment now that will allow me to read PDF files and even make notes in them on my devices. It’s not the same as holding the physical book in my hand but it’s close. Books acquired in plain text take up even less space than PDF books; if the files are named with some sort of convention, they should theoretically be fairly easy to locate even in a sizable collection. Computerized search capabilities have improved immensely over the past decade as well to the point where computers can even search inside some PDF documents and they’ve always been able to search inside of text files.

I love the beauty of physical books but I’ve reached the point in my life where I need to make a decision. Should I continue to collect physical copies, or should I gradually transition to ebooks? And how do I deal with the fact that my physical book collection has outgrown the space that I have available? Am I being overly paranoid about the privacy aspect? Do I accept the risk of loss if modern DRM controls decide to block access from my ebooks, or should I seek a DRM-free source of any ebooks that I acquire? And should I focus on formats that I can read on any device I happen to possess or resign myself to a single ereader device that may become obsolete?

What book format do you prefer? Why do you prefer that format? If you were in my situation, a situation where space and privacy are major considerations, how would you handle it? Any and all opinions are welcome. I would like to hear a variety of opinions before I make any decisions.

Thank you for your consideration.

How Deep Does Our Mental Programming Go?

How much of our desires come from us, and how much comes from societal programming?

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As I sit here today I am pondering the thoughts and decisions I have made over the years. How many of those decisions came from me, and how many came from societal programming?

My reason for this line of thought stems from Christmas dinner yesterday. I ate that meal perfectly well, yet there is a part of me that is screaming over the fact that I’ve yet to get around to acquiring a set of dentures. I feel somehow wrong and less because I am toothless, but why?

I can eat perfectly well. I may not be able to eat nuts or really hard items, but I can eat. I can actually eat better now than I could when I had teeth!

So why do I want dentures? The purpose of dentures is to not just improve appearance but to help people eat better, right? Yet I can eat perfectly well without them and my appearance has already improved.

So how much of the desire for dentures is from me and how much of it is the programming I’ve received since childhood?

I am having similar questions with my pursuit of college. Why do I want a degree? An Associate’s Degree will increase my income potential a bit but to be honest; I’d make more if I took a job at a factory than I ever could with an Associate’s Degree.

As for the knowledge attained, I find myself doing busywork more than actually learning these days; if it were not for the pointless exercises I would have a lot more free time. I’ve reached the point where I do believe that I could learn more faster if I skipped the busywork and just read the books in my spare time.

Of course, college isn’t designed like that. If you don’t do the busywork your grades suffer immensely. Even worse, if you come to a solution in a way that varies from what the instructor wants you are wrong even if the result is exactly the same.

Yet we spend money just to spend our time doing stuff that really doesn’t matter in order to attain a piece of paper that is supposed to tell the world that we’ve become someone special.

I may be onery in my old age, but I’m beginning to question the logic of not only college, but other facets of my life. Just how much of my desires actually make practical sense in the grand scheme of things?

If the purpose of attaining a formal education is income, there are much faster and cheaper ways to do it. We can work at factories while they still hire humans. We can take a quick certification course and enter fields that don’t require a degree. Hell, if my only purpose is to earn more money I could start busting my ass on this website, produce more books, and go from there. I could even spend $500 to take a set of tests that would certify me in the computer field–and that would be a large boost in pay. I could start accepting new clients in my computer repair business or read a few books on phone repair and earn a tidy income from home.

So why am I so set on attaining a degree? With any of the other options I would actually be able to earn even more money a lot faster than I could by spending my time in college.

And if I said “forget about it” on my teeth I could save $1,000 or thereabouts and be done with the mess.

Just how much of these desires are from me, and how much is from my societal programming?

Have you ever thought about that? Wondered how much of your desires are truly yours? What is your opinion of my personal situation?

I could really use some advice right now so please contribute to the discussion by commenting below. I would really like to know if I’m on to something or if I’m losing my mind.

Thank you.

Journaling is a Waste of Time if You Don’t Keep Your Journals

Last night as I sorted through my files to prepare them for long-term archival, I stumbled upon some journal entries I had written between 10 and 20 years ago. I had tossed them into a random folder at some point when trying to recover data from a dying system and had forgotten about them.

Unable to resist, I took a walk down Memory Lane as I perused those old files. Some of them were from the very first Windows computer I had ever owned, stored in plain text because I didn’t own a word processing program at the time.

I realized something important as I read those ancient entries. While I have been journaling from the moment I learned how to write as a child, those are the oldest journals I still possess. All of the other notebooks and other formats I have used over the course of my life have long been lost or discarded.

What is the point in keeping a journal if you don’t hold onto the entries? How can you discover the changes you have made if you can’t hold on to the records?

Absolutely none.

I realized that I wasted countless hours of my life creating journal entries that were eventually discarded. The only exception to this sad reality are the scattered text files I used to create quick journal entries over the years as I sat at the computer.

Computer journaling may not be perfect but for me it seems to be the only method that survives the test of time. I don’t like to keep physical things long-term if I don’t use them and sometimes paranoia has inspired me to burn my old paper journals. I store my deepest, darkest secrets in my journal entries so I have always been more than a bit paranoid about someone discovering them. No one touches my personal computer files, however, and a zipped archive protected with a password has worked wonders for my comfort level.

This discovery has made me realize that the best way for me to preserve my journal entries is to save them on the computer. As much as I love the feel of placing pen to paper, that method is far too transient for my needs.

I intend to take advantage of that discovery with the upcoming decade. From that point forward, all of my journaling endeavors will be written in plain text and filed away. In the event that I feel the urge to use paper and pencil I will scan those documents, convert them to PDF files, and destroy the originals.

Do you journal? If you prefer to hand-write your journal entries, how do you store them? Are you ever worried that someone will discover them? Please share your thoughts in the comments below.

Nightmares

I had a frightening dream the other night.

I was the person I used to be back during my marriage. My husband had installed a two-tap sink in the bathroom. I turned on the right spigot and clean water gushed out.

I turned on the left spigot and raw sewage began to spew from it. I jumped back, screaming. I didn’t know what to do. I couldn’t figure out how to stop the flow. I turned the handle to the off position and the flow became even worse. Regardless of which direction I spun the handle, the sewage flow became faster.

I woke up with a slight scream from the nightmare.

Any thoughts on what it could mean?

Update

It has been hectic these past few weeks but I wanted to give you an update on my progress.

I have finally reacquired my driver’s license and I may have a vehicle coming my way over the next few months, depending up how the negotiations work out.

I have reached the next phase of correcting my dental issues, so in the next few days I will begin the process of acquiring dentures.

I became a full-time employee at my public job. At that place, full-time is like the Gold Standard. I suspect that the pay will still be garbage, but that is okay. I am taking steps to correct that issue.

College is going well. It is a challenge to work and go to school but due to the fact that I’ve been actively simplifying my life things are becoming easier. I plan to have the broad sweeps complete by the end of the year so that I can spend what little time I have to spare writing a new book.

All of this is leading to the next step of my plan. I don’t know the exact steps I will take yet, but they will become apparent as I move forward. All I know is that I need my teeth and transportation sorted before I begin the next step.

I am exhausted. I have not been sleeping well as of late. Despite the fact that I am deliberately scheduling in ample time for sleep I find myself waking throughout the night. I suspect that my mind is active on my plans.

Over the next three days, I will be working ten-hour shifts. I will write the two papers that are due during my lunch breaks.

Some days I wonder just how in the world I am pulling this off.

Anyway, I just wanted to let you know that I am still here, working in the background. I miss being able to talk to you.

Peace,

Annie

It is Better to be Toothless and Healthy than to Suffer for Vanity

If anyone ever tells you that working a public job, running an online business, attending college, and getting all of your teeth yanked simultaneously is a good idea, please tell them that they are being incredibly stupid.

I can now say that from experience. I just tried it and it wasn’t fun. I highly advise you to take at least a week off from everything should you decide to get all of your teeth pulled at once, unless you happen to enjoy masochism, that is.

That said, I sincerely hope that the misery is completely behind me. I just looked through the maudlin posts I’ve been publishing and ended up depressing myself.

To summarize what I was trying to explain in my previous posts, living an intentional life is determining what you really want, making sure that it’s something you want and not something that society says you should want, and then living your life accordingly as you give the middle finger to the mindless masses who happen to disagree.

On to the story…

As all of you know, I decided to fix my painful visage once and for all by having every single tooth in my head removed. I decided that my health was far more important than my appearance and made my decision accordingly.

Society would like us to believe that the people who choose to have their teeth removed are all illiterate hicks. We either didn’t take care of our teeth or we destroyed them by using drugs as we showed off the car collection we keep on concrete blocks in our front yards. As a result, those of us who decide that it is best for our health to remove our teeth are stigmatized by society.

Oddly enough, it seems to be the poorest of the poor who hold that belief most often. I’ve had several obviously middle and upper class customers who actually praised my decision to forego immediate dentures, citing the pain they suffered from their personal decision to select vanity over comfort, while my less fortunate customers now sneer at me in disdain or tease me about my condition.

As one so eloquently phrased it, “I’ve got more teeth than you now. Guess you shoulda brushed!”

One of my neighbors decided to come through my line during the height of my misery.

“What happened to your mouth?” she asked with a laugh. “You look funny!”

If I hadn’t felt so bad I would have reached across that counter and slapped her into next week. It was obvious that she was determined to make me feel even more miserable than I already did from the expression in her eyes. It was typical behavior for her but I wasn’t in the mood for her attitude.

“When it comes between choosing between my teeth and my life, I choose my life every time,” I sniffed, outraged that she would attempt to humiliate me in the middle of a rush. “I plan to get dentures once my mouth fully heals.”

“I wish more people were as smart as you,” Mr. Mild Mannered Gentleman chimed in from his place behind her in my line. “Most people would rather poison themselves with rotten teeth than have the courage to accept the inevitable.”

Once my neighbor left with a splutter my defender continued the conversation. “I wish I would have been brave enough to not go with immediate dentures,” he confessed quietly as I scanned his purchases. “Those things are absolutely horrible.” He gave me a glimpse of his beautifully fake smile as he walked away.

For the record, I brushed my teeth faithfully. I flossed and did the other little things I could to take care of them to the best of my ability. Based upon the decade’s worth of posts I’ve written for this blog, I also believe that it is safe to say that I am far from illiterate. While I will own the fact that I’m a hillbilly, I know for a fact that my vocabulary can run circles around the more pompous I’ve encountered¹.

But let’s face it, folks. Shit happens. We make a false step and end up scarred for life. We get in an accident and we lose a limb. In my case, I didn’t discover the dangers of soft drinks until my teeth started shattering in my head. It wasn’t common knowledge back when I was a child.

If a limb is gangrened, do we hold on to it or do we get that sucker amputated, attach a prosthesis, and get on with our life? Having your teeth removed is no different in the grand scheme of things.

Society is wrong for stigmatizing people who have made the intelligent decision to choose their health over their smile. What does it matter if your teeth are real or fake, if you have a complete set or not, so long as you are healthy?

It doesn’t matter one bit.

To the person out there in the world who is suffering because you are terrified of what society will think of you if you have your teeth removed: Ignore those idiots. It’s none of their business anyway. If they don’t pay your bills they don’t count and if they don’t like how you look you tell them where to kiss.

If you aren’t comfortable enough to do that you tell them I said where they can kiss. While they’re at it, they might be well-advised to tuck that stuff back in.

Their ignorance is showing and it’s ugly.

For those that are wondering: Yes, I talk rings around them for fun. I find pomposity annoying.

How I Spent My Day Off

I set my alarm bright and early. I had plans to visit the library book sale and have lunch with a friend before applying at some local factories so I wanted to get all of my daily tasks completed. That way, when I arrived home after lunch I could dedicate the rest of my afternoon to decimating the jungle in my back yard. My days off may be split up this week but that didn’t mean that I couldn’t get stuff done.

I knocked out my daily tasks, washing loads of laundry as I worked while I waited for my friend to awaken so we could head out.

By 10am it became obvious that my friend had decided to sleep in. I couldn’t blame her; she works more hours at her public job than I do so I knew that she needed the rest.

However, I had things I wanted to accomplish. I needed to have everything done by early afternoon in order to tackle the back yard since the chants of “Feed me Seymour!” were starting to get annoying.

Did I want to be the friend who blows up someone’s phone because they’re exhausted and overslept?

No, I did not.

I chuckled. She needed her rest; I needed to get stuff done. Lunch and job hunting could wait for another day, especially since I’m in no hurry to start working full-time. The money might be nice but it’s not essential since I’ve got money left over to invest each month even at my current wage.

Rather than bother her I grabbed my shopping bags and headed to the library.

I walked into the room filled with books and froze. Do I really need more books? I asked myself. I have quite a stack at home that I’ve yet to read. Even worse, many of the business and financial titles I’ve encountered lately hadn’t exactly been written for cheapskates like me. I certainly didn’t want to acquire more fiction; I’ve got quite the stack waiting to be read at home already.

I do not want to be the woman who accumulates stuff for the sake of accumulation. I may not be a minimalist but I am not a hoarder.

Heavy on my mind was the fact that every dollar I manage to keep brings me that much closer to financial freedom. With a 10% dividend, every dollar I invest equates to ten cents in annual income a year.

Eighty dollars invested in this way brings me an hour’s wage closer to my goal. Did I really want to spend the $50 I’d budgeted for the book sale or did I want my freedom more?

The voices in my head were unanimous: freedom was much more important than acquiring more books.

I couldn’t even look at the selections. My heart wouldn’t let me. You’ve got enough, my brain kept screaming.

I left that book sale without purchasing a single title.

Disquieted at the sudden change of heart, I wandered around town a bit to think. It wasn’t like me to pass up the offer to acquire inexpensive books but I’d noticed myself doing that more and more lately. I barely even visit the freebie section at the library these days.

Why was that? Was it just because I had an assortment of books already, or was there something deeper at work? I ignored the scenery as I pondered this.

I realized that my time is limited. There are only 24 hours in a day; I have to spend at least eight of those sleeping in order to function properly. That gives me 16 hours each day to work a public job, take care of my home, socialize with family and friends, and work towards my goals. I’ve reached my limit when it comes to juggling everything. Should I take a full-time job I will be forced to make cutbacks in other areas of my life.

According to the Pareto Principle, 20% of our efforts produce 80% of the results. If I selected the books I choose to read more carefully I would not only learn more, I could save time as a result. It might cost more to acquire the individual books but the time savings would be immense.

The goal is to learn, not just to spend my days reading, after all. If I spent less time reading things that aren’t relevant to my objectives, I would have more time to not only work on improving my home but to rest as well.

Considering how many nights I’ve face-planted into my keyboard lately, rest is something I desperately need.

It felt odd and uncomfortable to realize that, in a year’s time, I’ve managed to grow beyond the basic financial texts that I’ve been able to acquire locally. It felt odd to realize that I could no longer pick up just any old book and learn from it.

It felt really odd to realize that I had absolutely no desire to even look through the offerings at the library book sale and to know that I needed to thin down my current collection to narrow my focus and conserve my time.

I returned home, mind filled with my recent epiphany as I ate my lunch. I didn’t even bother to wash the dishes. I piled them into the sink, sat down, and began to share my thoughts with my journal.

My friend showed up at my door while I was writing. I’d been so wrapped up in my thoughts that I hadn’t realized she’d been messaging me. While she was apologetic about oversleeping, she was ready to grab lunch and go job hunting finally.

I looked at the clock. It was one in the afternoon. I still had that back yard to tackle and despite everything I was still on schedule to get it done.

I no longer had time to go job hunting, however. I explained to her that I had arranged my schedule so that we would have been done by that point. I had to start working on my yard. It wasn’t going to mow itself. With the current rain forecast and my public job schedule, I had to get it done.

I’m not certain if she was more upset at me or herself but she settled down at my kitchen table, went online, and started filling out job applications. I puttered around the house a bit, working on my laundry as I offered her lunch. She refused so I went back to work. I headed out back and started mowing.

“You need to sit down and take a break,” she counseled when I paused to catch my breath.

“If I sit down I won’t get back up,” I replied bluntly. “Sitting on my ass isn’t going to get this yard done. I am getting this yard done today, period.”

I got it done.

I wondered what thoughts were going through my friend’s head as she left once I’d finished mowing. Was she upset that I’d insisted upon keeping to my schedule? Was she angry that I had plans for my life, plans to improve my home and regain my freedom? Was she upset at the fact that I wouldn’t just drop everything I’d had planned for the remainder of the day to go hang out and apply for some jobs after she’d overslept?

Maybe she thought I was being a jerk?

I honestly don’t know. I do know that I wasn’t trying to be rude; I simply did not have the luxury of procrastinating.

I woke up this morning to the sound of rain hitting my rooftop. I had made a sound decision the day before; my yard would have gotten completely out of control if I had delayed.

Time to get back to work.

Stiffly Moving Forward

My first thought this morning was that someone had replaced my joints with a box of Rice Krispies. Every part of my body snapped, cracked, and popped after yesterday’s adventure.

But at least I got the front yard mowed.

I may not feel like moving from this spot but I still had stuff to get done. While I’ve accomplished a lot towards my 2019 goals, there is one area I’ve barely touched:

My will.

I went online, revisiting the websites I’d trolled earlier. I located some examples along with a form where one writes out their funeral desires and printed it out.

In the next few weeks I’ll sort through the data, design the legalese, and concoct the paper that will serve as my Last Will and Testament until this cheapskate decides she can afford to have an attorney work up a better one. Once that is done I’ll round up a couple of friends and track down a Notary to make it legal.

For now I am going to swallow some pain meds, get dressed, and head to work. Sore muscles or no, this girl has got to make some money.

Adventures in Weeds

I arrived home after work to discover that, true to Amazon’s word, my weed trimmer had arrived.

Squee!

This is the first time in a decade or so that I’ve actually owned a weed trimmer. While I borrowed mowers the first year I moved here I eventually started paying my neighbors to maintain my yard. I wasn’t sure if I was going to remain in this area so I didn’t see the point in bothering much with the place.

But this year is going to be different. This year, the old broad who lives in the tiny house on the ratty street is actually going to mow her own lawn for a change. While I can’t afford a mower (and have no idea where I would store one if I could), a weed trimmer was do-able.

I raced in the house. Finally I’d be able to keep my lawn trimmed to my personal standards whenever I gosh-darn wanted it trimmed! I ripped open the box and slashed my thumb in the process.

The kid slapped a band aid on the wound and I kept going. I wasn’t about to let a stupid cut prevent me from my goal of mowing my yard all by myself for the first time in years.

I fumbled with the gadget, trying to put it together as the instructions laughed at me from their packet. Thirty minutes of steady cussing later I surrendered. My progress went pretty quickly after that until it came to the time when I needed to attach the guard.

I needed a screwdriver for that. Where was my screwdriver again?

I looked in my junk drawer. I looked in my tool tote. I scrounged through my old computer repair kit. What the heck? I have a ton of screwdrivers, yet not a single one of those pesky little creatures happened to be in evidence. It was like a gremlin had entered my house and taken every single one of them!

But I wasn’t defeated. Oh, no…this girl was determined to mow her darn yard and she wasn’t about to let something as mundane as a stupid screwdriver stop her!

I decided to use a knife instead. Delighted at my ingenuity, I began attaching that last remaking piece to the device.

That was when the thunder rolled.

“Are you kidding me?” I gaped at the ceiling as the noise shook my house. First I cut my thumb, then I fail in my attempt to ignore the instructions, then all of my screwdrivers go AWOL, and now there’s THUNDER?!?!

“Oh, hell no!” I growled as I worked even faster.

I finished attaching the guard and headed to the bathroom to retrieve the gigantic extension cord I purchased a few years back to use with the heat tape I’d attached to the commode.

That was when I tripped over the dog. She was trying to be helpful but my bathroom is just a bit too small to have a 50 pound dog weave around the back of your legs just as you’re standing up after unplugging a heavy extension cord.

At least I couldn’t hear the thunder over the crash.

I sat on that floor for several long moments as Lily the dog gave me an apologetic look and the thunder laughed maliciously. My ole’ butt was going to be sore in the morning, I was sure of it.

I was going to mow my yard if it killed me.

I picked my lard butt off of the floor, shook my fist at the ceiling, and headed for the door. It wasn’t raining yet and even if it was I was still going to get this done.

I gave a determined snort, firing up the trimmer to finally begin the task of slaughtering the weeds officially known as my front yard.

That was when my new neighbor decided to say hello.

I turned it off with a sigh. Despite the fact that the guy will most likely be gone before winter I couldn’t bring myself to be rude. I chatted with him for a few moments, listening to the thunder overhead as I became convinced that the entire Universe was conspiring against me. It had taken me eight years to finally decide to take charge of my yard; I could wait a bit longer if I had to.

The skies cleared. Another neighbor captured New Neighbor’s attention. I was free! I attacked my yard with abandon…

…and Lily attacked the weed trimmer.

What?

Lily had never seen me with a weed trimmer in my hands. She’d never even seen me touch a lawn mower. Bless her heart, the dog thought she was defending me. I jerked the trimmer up and away to protect her from the flying strings. The kid came out to see why I was yelling again and laughed before helping me calm the dog down.

That sorted, I got back to work.

I am so glad that I have a tiny front yard. It didn’t take long at all to chop all of the weeds down once I finally managed to get started. To my amazed delight, there wasn’t a single drop of rain while I worked.

I decided against tackling the back yard tonight. I’ll deal with it in the next few days.

This girl is not about to press her luck any further. Instead, I am going to pig out on the batch of brownies the kid just pulled from the oven and go to bed.

I am so done with this day.

Three Jobs?

Since yesterday was a maudlin day (as you could tell from my post), I called up my beloved Auntie early this morning for some much-needed encouragement.

“Well, it’s no wonder you’re exhausted and feeling emotional!” Auntie declared once I’d shared, “You’re working three jobs, taking care of your house, and studying like you were in an actual college class besides! I don’t know where you get your energy, but if you ever figure it out you need to bottle it cause I want some!”

“Three jobs?” Huh? How on earth did she figure I was working three jobs? I wondered.

“Three jobs, Missy. You’re working at that grocery store, you’re running your writing business, and you’re busting your butt to get your investment business going. Then on top of that, you study every night before you go to bed. You’re doing a lot!”

Hokay….

A bit flabbergasted, I concluded the call so I could sit and think. Was I really doing the equivalent of working three jobs?

I am. I really am.

I didn’t realize it, but the majority of my time is spent working. When I’m not writing, I’m researching companies, reading gigantic SEC filings as I brainstorm ways to come up with more money to invest and work out the best ways to invest given my limited funding.

When I’m not doing that I’m either working at my public job, studying nonfiction books related to business, investments, or my writing.

And somehow in the midst of all of that I manage to clean my house, take care of other personal business, and sleep.

How on Earth did I stumble into this?

More importantly…wow.

I hadn’t shared it with you, but I’ve got plans to incorporate my investments at some point. I’m not there yet but Annienygma Investments is a thing. It’s what I call it in my head, and it will eventually encompass not only stock market investments but real estate as well when I can manage it.

OMG. I’ve got a writing business that’s around a decade old (bit older, if I recall correctly). I’ve got my public job. And I’m in the very early stages of forming an investment company.

I had no idea.

It’s no damn wonder I’m so tired and moody.

What surprises have you encountered lately? Please share your stories in the comments below.